Life Consultant
A Buddhist monk is a good choice of confidant for those who want help. Why is that? Ajahn Brahmavamso answered, “He may be easy to talk to and free of charge”. For me, I think, “We are easy to talk to; any topic is welcome”. I was asked if I ever got depressed, as I had to listen to many problems, almost every day. I answered, “No, I don’t”. “How do you do that?”, was the next question for me. “It is because; we learn how to tackle problems. We are trained to solve problems and not to get depressed by them”. One thing which we bear in mind, is metta, or loving kindness. This means the willingness to give a helping hand to people who need it and are ready to be helped.
Many people come to the temple in tears, and with problems in their mind. We help them out of those problems, but not all people can be helped. This depends on them; we give them advice, but they have to work it out for themselves. Some come and tell about the wrong doing which happened a long time ago. They have not been able to clear out their guilt, they keep thinking of it again and again. Whenever they remember, they are hurt. When they come to me for advice, I always say to them, “Put it down”. It is a simple teaching from the Buddha, to deal with the problem ‘put it down’. Many times I have heard ‘because of me, I am wrong’ from people. They were very self-centred and blamed themselves for what was happening. They never thought that there were many factors, or causes, which made something happen. Many people refuse the advice to ‘put it down’, saying, “How can I put it down? I did something wrong”. I ask some of them, “Then, can you go back to undo it, or do anything about it?” “No definitely sir, I cannot”, they answer. This shows that most of them know that when things happened, they could not do anything about it. I have no idea why they kept repeatedly thinking about it. Yes, sure, sometimes we may recall it, but it is not for regret. It must be for development, as a lesson of life.
It is really strange that people imprint only wrong feelings in their mind. Why don’t they imprint good things? There are many good things in life; don’t be preoccupied with only bad things but brighten life up with good things. One day Ajahn Brahmavamso explained this to an Australian lady who felt guilty about her friend’s death and her friend’s deformation. She confessed, “I persuaded them to accompany me. An accident happened; one friend died and another one is handicapped. That happened because of me. If I had not persuaded them, they would not have ended up their lives like this”. Ajahn Brahmavamso comforted her, saying, “Did you plan for that accident? Did you know that accident would happen beforehand? Did you intend to kill and hurt them?” She refuted all the charges, saying with shock, “No, no sir, I had no plan, no intention, I didn’t know that accident would happen”. Ajahn Brahmavamso said to her, “Put it down. The accident arose of its own accord. You could not help it and it has already happened”. She felt relieved and her face turned brighter. She might have heard those words before, or she might never have heard them before. Anyway it was good that she could put down her feeling of guilt.
Finally, we have to guide with loving kindness and compassion those who are suffering. We should not do this for worldly gain or to get something in return. ‘To put it down’ is the effective advice; forget it and forge ahead. There is a proverb about advice ‘in stead of complaining that it is dark in here, we should light a candle to chase away the darkness’. Don’t punish ourselves because of the past; something which has been gone for a long time. Be with ourselves and do our best, right here and now.
