Kalyana-Mitta
Written by Good friend in dhamma
The first Pali I consciously learned at Buddhapadipa Temple was the term ‘kalyana-mitta’. I learned this term from my teacher Chulan and at that time simply understood it to mean, ‘spiritual or noble friend’, which indeed it does. It was not long afterwards that I came to realize that by introducing me to meditation and sharing his knowledge about Buddhism, Chulan was also the embodiment of that very thing he described. Chulan remains my ‘kalyana-mitta’ to this very day and I am sure is in the same relationship to many, maybe all of you around this table (Tuesday’s night discussion). Over time, I have had the good fortune to be able to add others to my list of noble companions who are accompanying me along the Path, including many of you here tonight. I feel honored, therefore, that both Chulan and Ajahn Sangthong should invite me this evening to have the opportunity to introduce those of you who may be new to Buddhism to this term. This occasion also provides me the opportunity to deepen my own theoretical knowledge of something I have accepted in a rather simple sense and which, until now, I had experienced rather than contemplated.
The Buddha in his life of teaching was not only concerned to give the benefit of his insight for bhikkhus and bhikkunis, to ascetics and recluses but was concerned to promote the welfare and happiness of ordinary working men and women. His repeated injunction to all his followers was very simple:
- Abstain from all that is evil.
- Develop and promote good deeds.
- Purify the mind.
- This is the Teaching of all the Buddhas.
For his own son, Rahula, the Buddha first gave him advice when the boy became a semanera at age seven years. This is recorded in the Ambalatthika Sutta of the Majjihma Nikaya and makes use of simple similes to impress his teaching on the young mind of Rahula. The Ambalatthika Sutta deals with truthfulness and mindfulness as foundations for building character and developing the mind.
The Buddha gave his second exhortation to Rahula when he was aged 18 years in the Maha Rahulovada Sutta. This contains instruction on meditation starting with mindfulness on breathing and leading to Insight Meditation.
When Rahula attained the age of 21 years, after being a monk for one year, the Buddha gave him instruction on the 3 characteristics of all conditioned existence (impermanency, unsatisfactoriness, insubstantiality). Contemplating these characteristsics, Rahula attained Arahattapala, the highest goal of a recluse’s life.
In this way, then, the Buddha was a spiritual friend to his own son Rahula. In the same way, the Buddha made similar efforts with the son of a wealthy family living in Rajagaha. The parents of the boy were devout followers of the Buddha, but their young son, Singala, was indifferent. He refused to go and listen to the Buddhas discourses and was only interested in material wealth. He feared that coming into contact with the Buddha and his disciples would mean he would have to make offerings and this, of course, would cost him money. When his father was on his deathbed he got his son to agree to carry out his last wish. He asked him to ‘worship the directions’. Just as his father had hoped, the Buddha found Singala one day carrying out his father’s last wish and the Buddha consequently engaged him in conversation and gave him a discourse. The Buddha realized that Singala was not ready to receive his teachings on the Noble Path and thus he prepared him with an exposition on Sila (or Morality) which deals with Right Speech, Right Action and Right Livelihood. This Sutta is known as the Singala Sutta and is the place where the Buddha lays out social obligations, family responsibilities the responsibilities of the individual to society in terms of good conduct and morality. He describes obligations and responsibilities between parents and children, teacher and student, husband and wife, between friends, relatives and neighbours, employers and employees. He explains how bhikkus should satisfy the religious needs of those who are less intellectually and spiritually advanced, by imparting knowledge of Dhamma to them and helping them along the right path. The advice given covers every aspect of the human relationship based on loving-kindness, sympathetic understanding and charity. It is in the Singala Sutta that that the Buddha defines the qualities of a True Friend. He refers to Singala as ‘young householder’:-
