:: Buddhapadipa Thai Temple

An Honest Look

I hear lots of people talk about attachment in Buddhism. They say don’t get attached to this and don’t get attached to that, attachment will one day bring sorrow. One guy I knew said, “I’m not attached to anything” in a rather aggressive kind of way. “Oh so you are an arahant then?” I replied. “No, but I am not attached to things” he bit back defensively. Who was he trying to kid?

Then only the other day I received a bit of a scolding from a friend. “You have become attached to the temple and those children you teach there!” she criticised. She had the opinion that you shouldn’t get attached to things. Seems reasonable actually, but is it that easy? Can you just think, “don’t get attached” and then not be attached? Well in a word NO! The Buddha pointed out on many occasions that the striver on the path starts out imperfect, full of defilements, and slowly over time reaches perfection. It is not something that you can say “I’m perfect” then be perfect. It simply doesn’t work like that. So to come back to answer the question of have I become attached to the temple and the children, whom I teach, there the answer is YES!. It is not something I choose and I can see the dangers in it, the disappointment it could potentially bring. The solution of course is not to be attached but I can’t just click my fingers and not be attached. I don’t seem The Lay Buddhist Association to remember that being part of the eightfold path, right click of fingers to make everything perfect!

There was this other fellow too who rather proudly claimed “I don’t go to the temple too often because I don’t want to become attached to it.” Is this the solution don’t go to the temple regularly? So I could turn up as and when I please, this seems rather lax and would not be fair on children who attend the lessons. In any case going to the temple meditating and learning about Buddhism, as well as passing some of this knowledge on to others, are wholesome things to do. This idea of not going too often seems a bit like saying don’t get attached to breathing one day it will go so don’t breath too often…hmm sounds a bit dangerous. So what can be done?

The only solution I can see is to be mindful of the attachment, concentrate on it, label it, then let it go and try to watch any actions or speech due to it. I have to admit I do this and attachment still arises and often sorrow particularly when one of the monkeys, I mean children, do something disagreeable. So I am mindful of that too. This is the path, being mindful of whatever arises and guarding ones actions and speech. Please note PATH it leads to perfection but does not start with perfection. Realistically mindfulness is not going to be maintained 100% of the time and mistakes are going to be made. One just has to keep at it and do their best. It can take years of practise, but don’t get too disheartened, it can be done.

One has to start somewhere so start by being mindful of the present moment and if attachment arises be mindful of that too. In fact take a look at all the minds unpleasant sides like jealousy, envy, hate, pride, ignorance, desire, worry, restlessness and unwholesome thoughts whenever they arise and as opposed to only concentrating on the nice stuff. This of course is hard, the ego doesn’t like it. It will make up all sorts of wonderful excuses…the teachings say to love all beings so as soon as hate arises I’ll think positively or jealousy of others is greed the teachings say not to be greedy so I’ll ignore it. The teaching also says to be truthful not only outwardly but inwardly as well. It is difficult, it is the slow way, but it is a way that works in the end.

The whole point of this article is to be honest about what is there and don’t expect perfection immediately in you or others. So what can be learnt from the three different people then? The first was aggressive and defensive but didn’t want to look at it. The second was over critical of others and probably expected too much from them and also from herself too. The third was not very sensible in his approach to practise and his pride prevented him seeing this. Of course we all fall into these traps from time to time, it’s quite natural. The best way out of them is mindfulness and inner honesty. Don’t forget though change doesn’t happen instantly. After a year look back and think, “have I made progress?” If you suffer from being critical of others ask the question, “have I become less critical over this past year?” Similarly with attachment, “have I become a little less attached over this past year?”

Now please don’t get me wrong at this point. This article is not saying it’s fine to get attached to things so hold on to everything. Making effort to let go is important. Being generous, getting rid of unnecessary clutter, living modestly, even being willing to change ones ideas or opinions. There have been several times I’ve popped old books or jumpers down to the charity shop and felt a pang of grasping when handing them over. I observed it mindfully and carried on. That’s fine that’s how it is. Not being an arahant these pangs still occur. However, sometimes they don’t and sometimes when doing meditation, particularly on retreat, the mind becomes very calm and mindfulness becomes sharp. These are dangerous times it is so very easy to be fooled by such moments. Have I reached the end? Have I given up attachment? Is the cycle of birth and death over? It’s never, perhaps I am clinging to the idea of being free from attachment and actually I still have far to go. The mind doesn’t like this plain fact, it always wants to go to what it likes but this leads to trouble. I advise anyone to be careful of this but don’t be to hard on yourself when it happens just say oh well, never mind maybe some day and carry on practising. To conclude hearing about how perfect life would be without attachment, how Buddhas and Arahants are not attached to anything can lead people astray on the path. It is fine to have it as the final goal but not as the starting point. Trying to ignore or pretend imperfections are not there is really the wrong path. The right path is to be mindful of them again and again and to be careful of actions or speech due to them. Thus slowly and gradually training the mind. Also to be prepared to carry on when inevitable slip-ups occur. This is the everyday mash potatoes and greens of Buddhism as opposed to the specialoccasion chocolate gateau, not very fancy but good and healthy and will make the practise strong.